| It's Not Just A Metal Festival...It's a HEFT-FESTival!!! |
| 17-06-2009 |
 Hefty Menneske proudly presents: HEFT-FEST!!! on board the motorship Stubnitz! at Langebro, Copenhagen Saturday July 18th 2009 all day, all night DKK 80, - entre. A marathon afternoon/evening/morning of Metal! A hint of Rock, and a whole lot-a-beer, ladies, strippers and anything else we can think of! Hefty Menneske will host a supremely "Fun" as well as "Bad Ass" event that all metal music lovers will surely sink their beer stained teeth into!! HEFT-FEST! Yes that's right! Say it 5 times fast! HEFT for all things fun as well as bad ass, such as: Beer, Chicks, Metal ect. FEST because it is truly going to be a festival with 12 bands on two stages and tons of Hefty happenings to keep you guessing what in the hell will happen next. Watch as HEFT-FEST bands compete in such hefty events as "Frozen Chicken Curling" and "Speed Bong" for glory and cash prizes! (75 DKK!!!) Witness as hordes of metal heads compete for the title, "King of Metal!!!" The fat line-up: MEMFIS (S) - FORCENTURY - FIJI - PALT - A SHELTERING SKY - SCORNFUL - HEFTY MENNESKE - KAMI - HATEBANGER - CALL GIRLS - PASTORAL CARE - RACING DECAYS Click the babes for more info and band links/mp3's!!!! |
| Just one band member away from world domination! |
| 28-05-2009 |
| Hefty Menneske is looking for an insanely talented guitar player who has mastered many different right handed palm mute techniques. Each of our songs requires a different kind of metal rhythm style, but is all made cohesive by the brutal vocals and kick ass drum groove along with excellent song writing:) We have: - 4 dedicated musicians who burn for this music, and can balance hard work with a hefty party ethic. We all get along great. No personal hang ups. - over 16 kick ass/very original metal songs... many are far along in the recording process for our debut album. - a luxury 60 square meter rehearsal facility, complete with glass refrigerator and bar;) Rock Island - Sturlasgade 14 - Islands Brygge - 24 channel recording studio, set up at all times ready to record our every inspired idea. Each member gets their own custom stereo headphone mix while rehearsing. - a 3000 watt PA is ordered and will arrive in June 09 to make rehearsal that much more inspiring. We also plan to make a series of mini concerts/parties with other bands at our studio. - are booked to play the supremely bad ass metal festival "HEFT-FEST" to be held on board the Motor-ship Stubnitz Saturday July 18th 2009! |
| Brand Spakin New Heft For Your Soul!!! |
| 31-12-2007 |
| The Heft cometh, bearing hefty gifts for the new year!
The soon to be classic hit "Shove It In The Tuna!" is online and all up in there, so check yourself, and give it at least 47 plays. This should warp your mind enough into thinking it is the best song you have ever heard! Period! OK, Michael Jackson's "Beat it" is a far superior hit, but "Shove It In The Tuna!" comes pretty F'n close to knocking it off it's pedestal. The Heft has also been busy in other regards. Freddy "The Guns" has forayed into the Hefty world of film making. Below is a short clip from his latest work entitled, "Love On The Rocks" A touching tale of a beautiful woman, from a small village, forced to deal with her insatiable desire to Heft. The movie climaxes with a heated argument at the dinner table. There is a small amount of violent content so viewer discretion is advised.... Hefty New Year! Hefty Menneske |
| The Heft seeks 2nd but equally bad ass guitar player!!! |
| 07-12-2007 |
| Good evening! After much fun and heft'n with Dennis "Der Schnitzel" Post, the time has come for him to embark on a most vital mission. Der Schnitzel has been charged with and accepted the honorable task of searching the far reaches of the universe for signs of other intelligent Heft. This will take him through countless bars and bordellos scattered across our galaxy. The downside to this most noble endeavor is that Dennis will be gone for many many years and will face death at every turn. He promises to chime in now and then with a transmitted update. Another obvious downside to this situation is that The Heft will be forced to find a new Menneske to play guitar. (To properly heft live requires 2! ) All are welcome to inquire, however it would probably be best if you were a friend of a friend of a friend (if that makes sense), but it is certainly not a requirement. To have a hope of joining the Heft, you will have to naturally adhere to a strict code of hefty ethics or hefthics... 1. You must love metal. 2. You must be born to rock. 3. You must love to rock hard! 4. You must be able to rock most triumphantly in front of crowds of adoring menneskes. 5. You must display an acute fondness for beer. 6. You must not shy away from nude women. 7. You must tolerate semi annual male nudeness when The Prince of Heft drinks more then he can safely handle. 8. You must be into getting hammered when the situation calls for it. 9. You must be able to work when the situation calls for it. 10.You must try, try really hard, to fulfill all of these tenets to your best ability or risk being damned forever to the forbidden zone! blah blah blah. We hope you get the idea. call or send an email, and we'll give you a fair shot at it. +45 30 26 77 77 heft@heftymeneske.dk |
| Spontaneous Heft!!! |
| 20-9-2007 |
| Our pals MNA and Blindfault will join forces with the Heft to put on a benefit concert Friday October 6th at Kraftwerket in Valby. All proceeds from said event will go to a local shelter for homeless animals. In doing so, we also hope to raise social awareness of the many harmful side affects that can result from a lack of beer, metal, babes, or generally behaving like a total wus.
The Heft will debut 2 new tastey jams! "Get Down!" & "Shove it in the Tuna!" Be there! Or may you burn in hell for all eterntity! or worse even...(did i just spell eternity like eterntity? what is eterntity? like the forever boob? anyone?) |
| The Fat Line Up!!! |
| 04-6-2007 |
| Introducing the most powerful man in metal! Freddy "The Guns" Riebenschneider!!! He's officially joined forces with the Heft to bring you bone crushing bass lines that will leave your weak_ass_body screaming for mercy! He is a nice guy, but don't piss him off! He just might put his foot in yo ass! Our resident Heftman "Der Schnitzel" along with his amazing golden locks will dominate your soul on the axe of destruction.... Witness the full force of Hefty Menneske, unleashed for you live at The Rock, Saturday June 16th. Appearing with the Heft: Clonecircle + Broadmoor Send the Hefties an email and get you and all yer friends on the freak'n guest list for FREE! (free... free... free...) |
| The Heft cometh to heft ye all!!! |
| 23-10-2006 |
| New pics on MySpace!!! Add Hefty Menneske to your friends, be eligible for exclusive event invites and Hefty Swag! Fresh new Heft served up just the way you like it: Loud and in yo face! RAGING STIFF (first jam) online now! New Heft Shows on the way! 10.11.06 Templet, Lyngby, DK 11.11.06 The Rock, Copenhagen, DK [Free guestlist!] 06.01.07 The Rock, Copenhagen, DK 20.01.07 Badstuen, Odense, DK We are making a new T-shirt & Hoody order, so get yours reserved nu! The first episode of HefTV has been recorded, and will be online very soon! Witness Hefty Menneske and company enjoy Miss April shed layer upon layer of her PVC nurse outfit. Then watch them rock the night away fueled by beer, and pent up sexual frustration from Aprils show :) And if all this wasn't enough, we have managed to record 6 tracks for our debut album. 4 more tracks are brewing in the Heftitron, as we write this. |
| Party Hard With "The Heft" this Friday!!! |
| 02-08-2006 |
| at "Mathildestien Garage Rock Festival" in Vedbæk, Friday August 4th!!! Free entrance!!! + 6 bands!!!: Hefty Menneske Butter Your Bacon OD.Dødsprinsen The Burned Out Bandits Sha La Las Dizzy Miss Lizzy Jam + 10 kr 0,4 liter fadøl and 10 kr shots!!! The fest opens at 16:00 first band on at 18:00. Just a 10 minute walk from Vedbæk station. Click here for a map and transport info! Heft! Heft! Heft!!! |
| New Music From The Heft!!! |
| 03-07-2006 |
| After playing their fare share of live shows this past year, Hefty Menneske is now focused on recording their debut CD which is due to be released this fall. As of yet the CD is not titled. Any and all suggestions are welcome:) Some names we are considering so far: "Old School" Give our tunes a listen and email us your suggestions. The one who picks the chosen name will win a big "case of Heft" and "a box of Hefty swag". Here is a preview of the 1st track, The Squirrel & The Bitch. Join the ever growing circle of Heft at our myspace site, and stay informed of our progress and show dates. |
| The Heft Is Out and All Up In There On My Space! |
| 12-06-2006 |
| Yes, the Heft is now on MySpace. Drop by and join the ever growing world wide community of Hefty Menneskes! Once again, The Hefties will get their Heft on this Thursday, 22:00 sharp at LADES! Also hefting it up will be The Snizzle's other band Star Rats (which just released a CD!!) and Steel Will!!! And if that doesn't just kick yer ass, then here is another tourettes guy video link called, "Tit Dirt". Remember.... "A Heft by any other name hefts the same." |
| Capturing the Heft on CD!!! |
| 30-05-2006 |
| "The Heft" has just broken ground on recording their first CD release! - with such bone crushing hits like: "The Squirrel & The Bitch" and "Old School" "Blast Master" and "Heft On Wheels" Here is a sample of how well things are shaping up! Our next appearance will be at LADES, Thursday June 15th with Star Rats & Steel Will! Stay tuned, and stay Hefty! |
| It's Easy To Give A Shit When You're So Full Of Shit! |
| 08.05.2006 |
| See the Hefties get their drink on and their Heft on at The Rock, this Thursday May 11th!!! Make sure you go to this The Rock site & not this The Rock site!!! Damn! Also gracing the stage will be down-Edge and End My Sorrow. We will of course implement the use of The Heftitron at the front of the stage before we go on!  Send the Hefties an email and get you and all yer friends on the freakin' guest list for FREE! (free! free! free!) Check out our new Über Hefty opening track "The Squirrel & The Bitch" as we shake the sin from the walls! May the Heft be with you, always... PS. Check out 2 new Tourettes Guy videos here! Total & Tourettes King |
| Hefty Menneske Wish You a Fin Påske! |
| 01.03.2006 |
| Orifice Agency presents: FIN PAASKE!!! 3rd Edition! Friday April 14th at Stengade 30! Yes indeeeed! It is time once again to break out the guitars & Marshall cabinets for an unforgettable evening of brutal metal! & Beer!!! HEFTY MENNESKE, (featuring A Kid Hereafter on Bass!) Our Hefty Bass Man - Dennis "The Snizzle" is away in Paris on special assignment. He will be looking for fresh young female talent to join our ever growing entourage if Heft! Our much beloved bodyguard and highly trained, deadly assassin April will not only be protecting us from any unforeseen danger, but will also put a show of her own. Guaranteed not to disappoint!
3 other bad ass orchestras will grace us all with their supreme riffage and heavy metal ways. CROWPATH (S), PALT, & heavy metal rocker's CALISTRA promise to shake the sin from the walls!!! Come early and get your drink on with our lovely "Mistress of Metal", DJ Baby Bunny & 50 hefty liters of FREE Tuborg! from kl. 20! Yes! Does life get any better?? |
| The Truth Revealed! |
| 01.03.2006 |
| The dudes in Hefty Menneske didn't always have it so easy. They didn't always get tons of cash... beer in abundance... chicks in great quantities... No sir! They had to work their way up from the bottom, just like everyone else. Since this information would no doubt come out eventually, we decided to be open about our past at this time in order to defuse any unnecessary criticism. The document below speaks for itself.
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| Hefty at Lades Kælder! |
| 23.02.2006 |
| Due to illness, our buddies Mudslide had to cancel their show at Lades Kælder tonight. Hefty Mennekse will instead take the stage with Vira!! Witness the Heft in all its ridiculous, beer guzzling glory!!! |
| "blast master" Live Video Online! | |||||
| 23.02.2006 | |||||
Gentlemen! Behold! Hefty Menneske had "the boys over in production" make a hefty multi-camera live video of our show at The Rock, and here's a cut from it!:
We will soon add the entire show. At the moment we're looking for more server space. Our Heft requires many gigabytes, you know. |
| What is The Heftrix? What the hell? | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 18.01.2006 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| In a world filled with boring, uninspired music, one band has emerged from the Hefty dimension to feast upon the remains of those who once lived.... Rated R. The Heft cometh! Witness the Heft at The Rock Saturday Feb. 11th along with 5 other bad-ass metal orchestras. Send the Hefties an email, and get you and all your friends on the freakin guest list for FREE! (free! free! free!) Download "The Heftrix (episode 1)" below, in one of 5 hefty formats:
Stick it in your mobile phone, Sony PSP or iPod Video. Become instantly geek-a-fied as you attempt to transfer the video from phone to phone via bluetooth. Marvel in amazement as you try to make out what is being said. In any case, we trust that you will enjoy our humble little production. The first of many to come. You must go where the Heft leads you! *No cans, bottles, holy water, or glass crucifixes will be allowed. Fictional characters such as Neo and ZZ Top will not be in attendance. No, really. |
| The Definition of Heft, vol. 1 |
| 13.01.2006 |
| What is Heft?
Heft is, "All things that are cool and do not suck", "All things heavy, wide and thick", "All things that are fun as well as bad ass!" such as: Beer, Metal, Rock and Roll, chicks, babes, strippers, hotties, Audrey Hollander, Belgian Beer & Brazilian booty, power tools & new shoes, hang overs, late night meetings at the office, Heft Gear, Sørn Pørn, Tourettes Guy, Futurama, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Tom Jones, extra heavy gauge guitar strings, The Heftitron, The Mighty Obnauticus, cans of baked beans, Jay & Silent Bob, ZZ Top, Sling Blade, boobs, Christopher Walken, cow bells, The Great Cornholio & Conan The Barbarian, Coin Bird. High atop a hill, the elder thus spake, "For every thing that sucks, there is an equal or opposite heft." |
| Damn! Shit! Fuck! Piss! Balls! |
| 31.12.2005 |
| Hello again! We trust you all had a Hefty Christmas and are looking forward to another weekend of Heft over New Years eve. Here's a site that will help you ring in the New Year with a Damn!. www.tourettesguy.com The guy in question is named Danny and he is one of HM's most admired heroes, as well as a great force of inspiration for our music and way of life. In Danny's honor we made a special "Tourettes Guy" version of our first release, "Skin Deep" Enjoy... |
| Hefty Blog All Up In The Hizzay! |
| 20.12.2005 |
| And so it was to be, our web blog prototype is online! It is only now that we can begin to unleash the full Heft of this band on an innocent, and unsuspecting population of almindelig menneske's. Once exposed to the Heft, you may feel yourself weak in the knees, and a bit hung over. Do not panic. This will wear off in time as you build up your tolerance to the side effects of becoming hefty. You may find your self questioning your strange and nagging desire to become assimilated into the "HEFT". Save yourself from a life of endless denial, and give in... to the "HEFT" Resistance is futile and sometimes fatal! |
